Someone's on the move...

A few nights ago I was trying to fall asleep (for some reason it's REALLY hard for me to fall asleep, even if I'm dead tired) and I was thinking about our new little baby, wondering what he/she will be like, and I felt a little kick for the first time.  Like a real kick, not one of those I-think-it-was-a-kick-but-maybe-it-was-just-gas feelings.  It was like he/she knew I was thinking about him/her.  Then I felt it again, and I put my hand on my stomach so see if I could feel it on the outside and sure enough, I could.  It was very gentle but very distinguishable.  It makes it seem more real when I can feel definite movements.  And makes me happy to know that all I've gone through is for a good cause.  It's hard when you feel so sick and gross for so long and you feel like you have nothing to show for it.  But when you feel that little kick for the first time, that's what makes me feel like it is worth it.  We will find out in 10 days if we are having a little boy or girl.  I can't wait!  I feel like it is a boy, but we will see.  We will be happy either way.  I'm just dying to get into the I-feel-much-better stage of my pregnancy, which, if it's anything like last time, should be mid May.  I am 19 weeks and technically, by the book, I should be feeling better already, but apparently my morning sickness hormones didn't get the memo.  I guess I should get some rest.  I feel better when I get a lot of rest.

Pregnant Dreams

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You know you have it bad when you have dreams about food.  And they are stressful food dreams.  Last night I had a dream that I was grocery shopping and I was looking in the produce section trying to find something I wanted to eat.  I had already gotten the milk and a few other things and was browsing the Easter stuff when I decided I better get a move on and actually get some food.  I figured I would get some bananas and some grapefruit. As I was looking around at all the other fruit (I dreamed up some pretty interesting stuff: spicy strawberries from Mexico and little miniature bananas the size of a small child's finger) I decided that I just wanted a plain old grapefruit.  But every time I went back to where I thought they were, they weren't there.  I looked all over that produce section and I was sure I had seen them somewhere but I could not find them.  It was so frustrating!  And the more I looked the more desperate I became.  Finally I found some that were cut into slices and each slice was wrapped individually and put into packages of 5 or 6.  They were more expensive but I decided I would rather get them than spend another minute looking for regular uncut ones.  I was so stressed out when I woke up and it was hard for me to realize it was just a dream.  Even now, thinking about it makes me stressed.  Why can't the food I want just be there when I want it?  I tell you what, eating is a big chore.  I wish I didn't have to worry about it.
I think the reason I had this dream is because a few days ago my friend Stacie came over and she brought a grapefruit for lunch.  At the time it didn't seem like something I wanted to eat, but as I watched her eating it, I thought maybe it seemed alright after all.  So next time Brent went to the grocery store, I asked him to get some grapefruit.  He got two, which I thought was plenty, however I ate them both in two days.  Since then, I haven't been totally satisfied at lunch.  However, I didn't think I was affected enough to have a dream about them.  Apparently I am craving them more than I thought.  Also on my craving list at the moment:  Eegee's (turkey and ham sub, fries and a small strawberry/lime eegee's) and Doritos, but I haven't been able to eat any Doritos yet so I don't know if I really want them as bad as I think I do.  It's weird how you think about a food so much that it almost becomes necessary to live.  And when you don't have it, you think you are going to die.  Anyway, I better stop thinking about grapefruit or I think I'm going to die.

My Bragging Corner

A lot of people have craft blogs or cooking blogs.  There are lots of great tutorials out there on just about anything you could want to do (and as is my experience, many things you never thought you would want to do).  I love all the ideas I get from these kinds of things and my to do list keeps growing and growing.  But I never really wanted to do a craft blog or anything like that.  I think maybe every now and then, something like a tutorial might slip in here, but I have other dreams for my crafts (someday I'll open an Etsy shop).  I just don't have the patience to document every step of the project.  When I make something, I just want to make it without any interruption.  You would think I would finish more crafts that way, but somehow, they never get finished (sorry Connie, still working on your apron).  Usually what happens is I ether get another idea for a project that I would rather do instead, or something happens like I get pregnant and am sick for 4 months straight.  I admire my sister-in-law Janny's determination.  She has a wonderful blog called Que Linda with a variety of tutorials and project ideas.  Her photography is very professional looking and her tutorials are thorough.  And she finishes her projects.  I guess you would have to if you have a craft blog.  Anyway, it makes me feel special because we bounce ideas off of each other and sometimes she asks me to review her ideas before she posts them.  Sometimes I feel like a "behind the scenes" contributor, which is nice because I'm not one for being in the spotlight much.  Thanks Janny, for letting me live whatever small craft blogs dreams I might have through you.  It is a lot of fun and I thoroughly enjoy your successes.
My reason for blogging is more as a personal journal in which I can document our family events, something I feel would never get done unless I had some form of accountability.  The thought that I have friends and family also reading gives me that accountability.  I also hope to be able to touch the lives of others through our life's experiences and things we learn as a family.  Also, I use my blog for other normal journaling things such as bragging.  Sometimes you just have to brag about something.  I'm not talking about "ha ha I'm better than you" type of bragging, but more like a "look how cute Adam is" or "look what I did" type of thing.  I think it's good to have pride in your accomplishments as long as it's not boastful or hurtful.  And in no way is my intent either of these.
So one of my projects that I have been working on lately (that I actually finished!  Woo Hoo!) is a wedding announcement!

English Version

Yep, little Shaylin is all grown up and getting married.  But I jumped at the chance to do her announcement for her because I love working in Photoshop and I love doing that kind of thing.  Turned out that it was pretty simple to do, thanks to Janny, who took all of the amazing pictures.  I hardly had to do any editing.  I did a little, but that part is a secret.  Let me just say that Shaylin and Alex's smiles have never been brighter. :)
The layout was pretty simple and we got them printed at Costco, which was way cheap and quick so that all worked out.  Because Alex is going to school in Germany right now, and the fact that they will be moving back right after they get married, and half of his family is there, I also made a German one too.  With Alex's help of course.

German Version

It's pretty much the same, except it has the information for the German reception they are going to have when they get back there.  Oh and all the other information is in German too.  I guess I get the gist of it but what is a "bekanntzugeben??"  And how do you pronounce it??  I always wonder about other languages.  Is English really the hardest language to learn?  Anyway, it was fun to do and I enjoyed learning a little about German grammar when it comes to formal wedding invites.  Thanks Alex for your help and patience!  I'm glad I was able to do this project and that I wasn't too sick.  It feels good to accomplish something.

Peanut Butter and Honey

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     I think I am definitely on the downhill side of this whole morning sickness thing.  I still feel gross most of the day but it's a less severe kind of gross.  My biggest problem is that I feel like I have a ping pong ball stuck in my esophagus somewhere above my stomach.  I don't know what it means or what it is but it's driving me crazy!  I would feel much less nauseous if it weren't there.  Maybe I have some sort of weird acid reflex or something, I don't know.  I just wish it would go away.

     Anyway, I have been noticing that I can eat more of the foods that I couldn't tolerate a few weeks ago.  It's weird because last time I was pregnant, it took a good 4 or 5 months to get there and I am only 13 weeks now.  So one of the things I couldn't stand when I was pregnant with Adam was peanut butter.  Which is sad because my favorite sandwich is PB&J.  Also, my favorite chocolate candy is Reese's Peanut Butter cups (I couldn't eat chocolate with Adam either, so that was sad too).  But I have found that I can eat peanut butter now (if it's not in large quantities) but for some reason, I don't have the appetite for PB&J.  However, the other day I started craving peanut butter and honey sandwiches.  Maybe it's the sugar in the honey that I crave, but I eat at least two of them at lunch (I am eating one right now).  And I just love my little Fuzzy Wuzzy honey container.   You know, the ones shaped like a bear.  We called it Fuzzy Wuzzy when we were little.  I always say the poem to Adam when I make my sandwich...

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear.

Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.

Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? 

AND I craved some M&M's the other day, and today I ate a Reese's Peanut Butter cup!  The only thing that still grosses me out to even think about is chicken enchiladas, which was the first thing I couldn't eat with this pregnancy.  I want to puke just thinking about it so I will eat another bite of my PB&H sandwich.

I really don't have much energy these days.  I am SO exhausted at the end of the day and I hardly do anything.  But I think today I will attempt to go to the Scout store and Costco.  After I eat lunch of course.  We will see how it goes.  I hope it's not too much for my little pregnant body to handle.  I know, I'm being a big baby.  But I have noticed a connection between how I feel and how much I do during the day.  I feel better when I'm lazy.  But I don't like being lazy.

I think I need another sandwich.

Adam's Words

I'm still pretty sick, however I think the worst of it is over (I hope).  But I just wanted to share some highlights from this week that cheered me up a little.  Most of my time is passed laying on the couch watching Adam play and use his imagination.  He has quite an imagination.  He loves to talk on the phone (or more accurately, he loves to push the buttons).  But he pretends to talk on the phone.  He says, "hi" and "hello" or at least I think that's what he's saying.  But when he doesn't have a phone to play with, he is pretty inventive.  He's used several things in place of a phone, such as: a hot wheels car, a phone charger, a mega block, a block of wood, a puzzle piece and basically anything that fits in his hand and is rectangle-ish in shape.

He has some other words that he says, though most of the time he says them when he wants to, which is not very often.  But the other day, he actually used his words to communicate.  One of his words is "bissy" (fishy).  We were eating lunch and he pointed to the goldfish crackers and said "bissy!"  I thought it was a one time thing, but he did it again!  And again!  I was so proud of him.  He ate lots of goldfish that day.

Another word he says is "buh" (bird).  Today he spent a good 10 or 15 minutes looking out the window at the birds and saying. "Buh!  Buh!"  It was cute.  He can also say "bear" and "ball" but they sound so close to "bird" that I have to pay attention to what he's doing in order to know which one he is saying.  The other word he is really good at saying is "uh oh."  Though he says it more like, "ee ooh." He recognizes many other words and sentences but just hasn't figured out how to say them yet.  He finds other ways to communicate though.  It just makes me so happy to watch him learn and figure things out.  He's a little smarty pants.  He's learning how to color too.  Unfortunately we only have pens and markers so we don't color as often as I would like, but when I get feeling better, I want to get him a pack of jumbo crayons, a coloring book and some play-doh.  I'm sure he'll try to eat them but who hasn't eaten play-doh before?  I think it's required to be a kid.  That and glue, which I'm sure he will also try eventually.  He's quite the explorer.  But until then, I guess blocks, cars and books will have to do, which he loves anyway.  He doesn't know what he's missing but he's such a good little boy.  I just love him to pieces.

Westwood Baby # 2

We got our first sonogram today.

There's the little baby.  They said I was 11 weeks and 1 day, so my due date, according to all the measurements and stuff was September 2.  Happy Birthday Tina!  You just might get a little niece or nephew for your birthday. The Dr.'s due date was September 6, so we will see if it is changed or not.  The same thing happened with Adam but we just kept the Dr.'s date.  Turned out that the sonogram date was more accurate because he was born 1 day early according to that, and 3 days early according to the Dr.'s date.

It looks like the baby has no legs but they are just tucked up under.  Anyway, I'm hoping to get feeling better soon, seeing as how the first trimester is almost over.

We took Adam with us so that he could see the baby.  He has no clue what's going on.  I'm sure that will change when the baby comes.

Update:  I went to the doctor a few days later and she said the "official" due date is September 4.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I am writing this post because I have mixed emotions right now.  Plus, It's been a month since my last post.  It's not like nothing has happened in my life, in fact, much has happened in the last month.  It's just I've been too sick to do anything the past few weeks so I haven't written anything.  But enough is enough.  I need to make an entry, sick or not sick (actually it would be sick, because I feel pretty yucky right now).  So I've been sick for about a month now.  I don't have a cold, or the flu, however that's how it started out.  What I have is a lot more "serious" than that.  A month ago, I began to suspect something was up.  I went to the doctor (I almost had to crawl in there because I felt so bad) but it was confirmed what I have.  There is no treatment for it.  I just have to suffer for the next few months and hope things get better.  Actually, the doctor told me that I can expect to be all better sometime around September 6.  If you haven't guessed by now, the good news is that I'm expecting!  YAY!  We are hoping to welcome another child into our family around the beginning of September.  We are way excited.  That being said, part of me is way NOT excited to go through all the "morning sickness."  Which is why I feel so yucky.  With Adam, it was pretty bad.  I also had to work, which made it worse.  With this one, luckily I don't have to work but MAN!  It's literally taking everything out of me.  At the end of January, things were so bad I literally couldn't get off the couch.  It got so bad that I needed medication to help with the nausea.  It doesn't take it away, but I think it helps a little.  The only thing that makes it go away is sleeping, which is hard to do because for some reason, I just can't sleep no matter how tired I am.  They say that every pregnancy is different.  I would say that's accurate.  I thought I knew what to expect, seeing as how I've gone through it before, but I didn't quite expect this.  Before, I could sleep anywhere, anytime.  I could eat something and I would fell better for a little while.  This time, I can't sleep, and when I eat it just takes away the hunger, not the nausea.  It is a constant battle to just get through the day.  I am physically and emotionally drained.  I am sick of being sick!
Ok, enough of the "woe is me."  There are some things I do to try to keep a good perspective, which is really hard, but what else can I do?  So I try to think of the future, and the good that will come from all this suffering.  I am creating a life!  What a miracle!  To think about the super fast rate of development that is happening with our child...no wonder I fell so sick!  It's not anything simple.  But it will be totally worth it.
At least I don't have to work!  That is a HUGE blessing right there.  I would probably die if I had to work.  I am so grateful to my wonderful husband for his willingness to work to support our family, and I am grateful for his job that provides us with the things we need.
Another thing that makes it easier is my little Adam.  Oh how I miss playing with him and taking him outside.  But I am blessed that he is for the most part, independent enough that I don't have to entertain him much.  I can just lie on the couch and watch him play and use his imagination.  It's very cute and makes me happy.  I love him so much.
Brent is doing a very good job too.  I count the hours until he comes home every day.  His willingness to help me out is very much appreciated.  I know it's hard for him to work so hard every day and then have to come home and help out here, but it means so much to me.  He is such a sweetheart and a good daddy.  I love him very, very much.
I have family that helps out too.  I don't know what I'd do without them.  The other day my dad came over to play with Adam.  He was so happy to have his grandpa there!  It meant a lot to me that Adam had someone he could play with.  He loves his grandpa!  My mom came to help too.  It was such a relief to have her here, and I didn't have to worry about Adam.  I could just rest and not think about it.  My sisters come and clean, and my brother came and spent some quality time with Adam too, which was very nice.  I know Adam enjoyed playing with his uncle.
A few weeks ago, Brent's mom and her husband Mark came for a visit from Idaho.  Adam loves his grandma and grandpa Waldram.  They were so sweet and kind and I felt bad that I was so sick and no fun, but it meant a lot that they were there.  I know they made sacrifices to come and I really appreciated it.
When I feel really bad, I just think to myself, "at least I don't have to cross the plains in a handcart."  The pioneers had it tough.  I don't know if I would have been strong enough to do it.  I am grateful for their sacrifices which directly influenced my life, because many of my ancestors (and Brent's) were pioneers and had to cross the plains.  I just cringe when I think about all those poor ladies who were pregnant and still crossed the plains.  Some of them losing children and husbands on the way.  They did it because they saw the bigger picture and they knew it would be worth it in the end.  I often think of the hymn, "Come, Come Ye Saints."  It's a pioneer hymn which was written to give encouragement to those crossing the plains.  One verse goes like this:

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
if we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to tell-
All is well!  All is well!

 This verse keeps running through my head.  Especially the part that says, "Why should we think to earn a great reward  if we now shun the fight?"  We can't expect God to bless us if we do nothing and give up and run away from our problems.  God is willing to bless us but we must do all we can do and He will do the rest.  You see this many times in stories from the pioneers.  There were many miracles that happened along the way.  And if we can prove that we are faithful, all will be well in the end.

I want to share and experience that strengthened my testimony that Heavenly Father will bless us when we put forth our own effort to do all we can.

A few days ago, before bed, I was feeling very,very sick.  All I wanted was to go to bed and sleep.  But I felt horrible.  I ate something hoping to feel better, but it didn't help.  I took some medicine, but still felt horrible.  I even read my scriptures but I still felt sick.  So I said a prayer.  I told Heavenly Father that I had done all I could do and asked if He could do the rest.  I just wanted to sleep!  Immediately after I closed my prayer I had to throw up.  I ran to the bathroom, tossed my cookies, and felt much better.  After I brushed my teeth (again), I got into bed and fell asleep right away.  I felt much better the next day and I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who cares about me and answers my prayers.  I am still sick, but I know all will be well if I don't give up and if I do all I can do and stay close to my Heavenly Father.  I know it will be worth it in the end.